Four months...
To the day...
To grow to care for someone, to know aspects of who they are, to see a future, a glimpse of a life, a "what if"... is such an extraordinary thing. Words can touch, humor, settle, hurt, frustrate. Words can ignite hours of rolling laughter, words can inspire prayer and comfort... Words can conflict, confuse, express... Words can end or start something.
Three months ago words started something... "hello" or most likely "yo" ... tonight a word, a single word, said "Bye".
But it wasn't a single word was it? it was prefaced with thousands of other words, explaining, expressing, aching, struggling and it happened to finish with "bye". Or, was it an end at all? Perhaps it was a beginning, a realistic expression of humanity, an honest truth, a caring sentiment, a letting go and giving up of a situation, a connection. Giving to God. Giving to love, life, faith. When we say "bye" is it really forever, or can "bye" mean; "hopefully soon"?
We are given a choice. We can be dragged down by the sorrow, sadness and loss of the things we hold close, or we can learn and live and hope. I choose to stay optimistic. I choose to return to hopeful thoughts, i choose to grow and learn and live.
Four months to build an attachment, attraction, emotion to someone... one word to protect and secure its future?
"bye."
"but they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary and they shall walk and not faint" Isaiah 40:31
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
My Words...
I received a journal from someone very special the Spring of 2009. I hadn't written in a journal for more than 10 years, and when I did, they were the bitter, trite ramblings of an insecure 19 year old...
This journal, a simple spiral book, bound in black linen, has blank pages and a picture of a young boy playing in the sand on its cover, is not remarkable at first glance.. but the thought that someone cared enough to give me an outlet for my thoughts, is.
Inside, it held an inscription and a bookmark with a quote. The inscription is honest, real, heartfelt and personal to me alone. The quote on the bookmark however, i will share:
"walk with the dreamers, the believers, the courageous, the cheerful, the planners, the doers, the successful people with their heads in the clouds and their feet on the ground. Let their spirit ignite a fire within you to leave this world better than when you found it." -Wilferd Peterson
It took me a while to open up to my new present, and more time to find the words that i wanted to fill it with. Though dramatically less bitter, and still at times trite, it turns out I actually have quite a lot to say...
Now, the Fall of 2011, I have bought a new journal. Time has gone by. Love has come and gone. I am changed. I am moving forward on a search that is only my own. I am excited, and joyful, and sometimes scared and sometimes very vulnerable.. but I am lucky enough to share my journey with the people who I know to love me and the connections in my life that are honest and true. I start this new journal in a season of deep hurt and fear but I know I'll make it through- hopeful. better. Hurt passes. As seasons always do. And with the passing days I strive to grow and live fully.. honestly... in the truth that is this life, in the truth that is Gods love and unique path for me.
Inside, it held an inscription and a bookmark with a quote. The inscription is honest, real, heartfelt and personal to me alone. The quote on the bookmark however, i will share:
"walk with the dreamers, the believers, the courageous, the cheerful, the planners, the doers, the successful people with their heads in the clouds and their feet on the ground. Let their spirit ignite a fire within you to leave this world better than when you found it." -Wilferd Peterson
It took me a while to open up to my new present, and more time to find the words that i wanted to fill it with. Though dramatically less bitter, and still at times trite, it turns out I actually have quite a lot to say...
Now, the Fall of 2011, I have bought a new journal. Time has gone by. Love has come and gone. I am changed. I am moving forward on a search that is only my own. I am excited, and joyful, and sometimes scared and sometimes very vulnerable.. but I am lucky enough to share my journey with the people who I know to love me and the connections in my life that are honest and true. I start this new journal in a season of deep hurt and fear but I know I'll make it through- hopeful. better. Hurt passes. As seasons always do. And with the passing days I strive to grow and live fully.. honestly... in the truth that is this life, in the truth that is Gods love and unique path for me.
No comments:
Post a Comment