my head and my heart...

...and as we say goodbye this song plays. and it plays again... and then again... And i am lost in my mind. And my head and my heart are disconnecting out of self preservation. And its ironic that the song is by a band of that very name, The Head. And the Heart... and we have known each other a short time and one might say, a month is not enough time to build a significant connection and 'one' might be right, and my head agrees with 'one.'.. but my heart does not. My heart wonders "is 'goodbye' really goodbye?" My heart wonders "what could have been done differently?" My heart is not consulting my head on these questions to which my head has logical answers. And my head knows that I have felt something similar before.. and my head knows that i am always ok... and my head knows that we are all on a journey and that God brings people into our lives to walk with us for an undetermined amount of time.. sometimes at long lengths, sometimes a mere moment in the vastness of time, of life... and that these people, these fellow journeymen... touch us... and this is life. and this is love. and this is God. and this is real. and I am lost in my mind. And i am not worried about the uncertainty of connections that appear to be over... and my head is ok, and my heart is stronger for being open... and my heart is stronger for feeling. and my heart is stronger for hurting and letting go...

Put your dreams away for now, I won’t see you for some time
I am lost in my mind, I get lost in my mind

Momma once told me, You’re already home where you feel love
I am lost in my mind, I get lost in my mind

Oh my brother, Your wisdom is all that I need
Oh my brother, Don’t you worry ‘bout me
Don’t you worry Don’t you worry
Don’t worry about me

How’s that bricklayin’ coming
How’s your engine running
Is that bridge getting built
Are your hands getting filled

Won’t you tell me my brother
Cause there are stars up above
We can start moving forward

How’s that bricklayin’ coming
How’s your engine running
Is that bridge getting built
Are your hands getting filled

Won’t you tell me my brother
Cause there are stars up above
We can start moving forward

Lost in my mind
Lost in my mind
Oh I get Lost in my mind
Lost, I get lost, I get lost in my mind
Lost in my mind
Yes I get lost in my mind
Lost, I get lost, I get lost
Oh I get lost
Oh I get

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bUu0zsLIA9Q

DM. Just. LOVE.

Williamson's Words... and then some of my own.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
-mw

Lately its clear that I've felt more inspired by the words of others than my own. Words of people with more education and practice in putting pen to paper and letting their thoughts spill out. Words and quotes that come to me in unexpected ways that when grouped together in a particular fashion always shines new light into the simple text. I love quotes, I love their simplicity and the hope they can bring or the truth or the perspective... the wall behind my desk is a chalk board with schedules and the business' monthly budget and expenses, but it also has a list of places in the world i want to travel to and directly above my computer screen is a five foot section of the wall filled with quotes that i feel are important words for me to remember, for me to not lose site of when the work day gets tricky or business and life arent particularly going the way i had hoped. Some are from great literary minds, some are from the bible (jeremiah 29:11 and the last half of proverbs 31:25), one is from a popular HBO show, one is a song lyric and one is from well, me.

The Quote above came to me this morning from an incredible friend. A friend i couldn't even begin to describe.... but ill try. There are people in this life that we seek out. People i think we feel will add to our existence, people we feel would in a way, complete our circle, balance our inadequacies and bring something more to our world... and then their are those unexpected friends who just happen. This person just happened... and i honestly cant remember how or when or even why we became friends. we just did.. and she gives everything above and more, without expectation... and its one of those completely unexpected gifts that God gives and it makes me wonder if He thought, these two people need each other and they dont even know it.

And i do need her as much as one person can 'need' another, but more over, i value her. My life is better because of her. I value that we can make each other laugh with a humor i am fairly certain most would raise an eyebrow at, and I value that during a busy day, if the face of my phone lights up with her name I will always take her call.. I value we can talk about anything; the messy stuff and the sad stuff and the scary stuff and the funny stuff, I value the support we give each other in work and in life- support each other through new relationships, confusing admirers, and breakups involving video arcades and broken beds and 'I love new york'. I value that we both have the same fascinated appreciation for the unique individuals you get to see when riding public transportation, and i value that even though we are miles and miles apart our lives and our love have woven together into an unbreakable bond... a bond with no questions asked. And with every interaction, every phone call, or lunch date or weekend trip... it becomes increasingly clear that family is what you make it, and she is a big part of mine.