"Ideal" beauty

Like every other day, today, I woke up, poured myself a cup of coffee and sat down at my desk to check my email. I paid little attention to the random fluffy headlines flickering on and off of the screen ... "when is the right time to buy a car?" .... "7 Foods that lower cholesterol!".... "Why does your child have a tantrum"...and on and on...  Until one in particular caught my attention...

"Stylist at London Fashion Week
resigns over designer Mark Fast's
decision to use plus sized models"

I clicked on the link and read, and re-read the entire article with many thoughts streaming through my mind and coming to rest, unsettled, in my gut.... 

Frustration and helpless anger were soon projected toward the ignorance and judgment of an industry "supposedly" built on beauty, art, and INDIVIDUAL expression... then the idea that this isn't simply compartmentalized into one industry- but human perception!

In a world that strives to grow and evolve into a more tolerant and loving society, where we seek and preach freedom of speech, civil rights, feminism, gay marriage... equality... it begs to be considered;

How are constantly getting it SO wrong?

I personally, cant help but ask myself the question; "what the hell am i getting myself into??"

As I become increasingly more successful as a photographer, I see how easy it would be to immerse myself in that world. If I were to glimpse a future where I was "Cully Wright, acclaimed fashion photographer"... who would that be? Does this person treat people with love, respect and compassion? Does he find the beauty in everyone? Or does he throw models off of his set for a few spare inches in the hips or thighs? Does he expect the world to bend to him, getting into the best bars, rubbing elbows with top industry big wigs? Does he have a blatant disregard for human decency? does he rationalize it all by saying something like; "it's just part of the game"? Does he embody that persona? Will "I" become "him" and does "he" know what a huge asshole he is?

NO.

Because of articles like this, it takes everything in my will to not run as far away from this industry as I can get... How can we treat other people like this? Why is it not praised that this young designer is expressing his admiration for the human body and the variations in which it is formed. Why is behavior like this tolerated?

Why cant we, in an industry that can be so competitive and ugly by nature, embrace the beauty and inspiration that is truly at its roots? Why can't we lead and inspire others to take more "risks" for that which they believe in?

WE CAN.

I WILL.

As my business grows- as my client base expands- as I am exposed to more and more of this crazy industry- I will continue to ask it to consider what beauty truly is?

I will continue to concern myself with the inspiration of this world and its people- despite their size, color, shape... I will continue to see each day as an opportunity to hold myself and the people I work with to higher standards of living. To avoid the gossip and drama we tend to call the  "Media" or "Networking".

I will seek, and find true art- and beauty in everyone that is behind my lens and standing by my side. That is why I do what I do. Not for the fame- for the bylines- or the acclaim from people whom I don't know, or honestly whose opinion I care little about. For the connection. For the expression. To be a positive influence. To be able to say "You are Beautiful" and more importantly, to mean it. That's the point.

Though we are lost, though we have strayed far off course, though this "ideal" we have in our heads of what is beautiful is so very jaded, people like this designer inspire me to keep moving forward. To become someone that lets everyone know; "its not too late!"

I have a voice... and the best part is that I have a choice to use it.

I choose to.

Beauty IS possible. 

Love through the words of a guy named Dave

"I remember thinking
I'll go on forever only knowing
I'll see you again
But I know
The touch of you is hard to remember
But like that touch I know no other
And for sure we have danced
In the risk of each other
Would YOU like to dance
Around the world with me

And your lips burn wild
Thrown from the face of a child
And in your eyes
The seeing of the greatest view
Do what you will, always
Walk where you like, your steps
Do as you please, I'll back you up"

-D.M.B

There is something SOOO beautiful about these lyrics.. They are pure, honest and so transparent about what it means to truely and unselfishly love another soul. Hope and passion and loss and faith, and excitement, all in a simple grouping of words... It's nice to know that these feelings exist in the world.

That we have the capacity to feel this sort of emotion toward each other gives me such an optimistic outlook on life - on humanity.

There is pain... there is sadness... we will hurt each other... but there is love and hope that makes the risk all the more worthwhile.

Its exciting to know that somewhere there is someone for all of us.. someone who can feel this way and change our outlook of the world as we once knew it.

a choice.

I am on a plane.
I am leaving.
I am departing.
I am exiting.

-Three days in Denver Colorado, three months of confusion and hurt and wanting something I've felt was no longer attainable.

As I turn my head away from the beat up champagne colored sedan, as I walk through the sliding glass doors of the Denver international airport, as I print my boarding pass, maneuver through a surprisingly short security line, as I sit at my gate, as I board the plane, as i find my seat and stow my bag, as i fly away.. I leave behind a city I hardly know, I leave behind someone I care so much about, I leave behind expectations that have kept me hostage (a welcome captive)...

I let go... As I fly away, I let go.

It hurts. It takes my breath away. It makes me want to panic and scratch and claw and fight for what i want. What i cant have. what cannot be. It sucks.

It is so beautiful!!

I am on a plane.
I am moving forward.
I am arriving.
I am embarking.

Three days in Denver Colorado. One, happier than any day I've experienced in the last few months. As I turn my head away from the beat up champagne colored sedan, as i walk through the doors of the airport, as I print my boarding pass, maneuver through security, sit at the gate, board the plane, find my seat, stow my bag... as I fly away... I fly home. I fly toward my friends, my family, the people I fill my life with, the people who invest in the life I've created. Who care so much for me and want to see me happy- fulfilled.

I say a temporary goodbye to a very good friend, I know our connection is strong and can withstand time and space. I know that our roll in each others lives is authentic and real. Somehow... Concrete.

Though bittersweet, I move toward a new hope that is freeing me from my own perception. My own emotions that till now I've enabled to trap me.

I move forward... As I fly home, I choose to move forward.

Its a choice to change and it is exciting and it takes my breath away. The clarity refreshes me and gives me the courage to plan my own journey. My own adventure. My role in this world. It inspires me to let go of something that was never mine to try to possess. Something that cannot be owned or controlled or forced. Something that I can only hold my memories of.

IT IS BEAUTIFUL.

I am on a plane..
I am on my way...
I am not sure whats next...

I am GREAT!

our days are but a passing shadow

The past three months have been a blur of emotions- a challenge- an internal struggle- one lesson after another.

Old goals that have defined who I am… where I thought I was going… who I would become or who I might take on that journey, have been released. New dreams have entered my mind- challenged my routines –turned things upside-down, sideways, but never backwards. What I've realized?

Life is too short to simply EXIST.

I think that is what I have been doing- just existing- Following goals/dreams blindly- never stopping to ask:

“why do you want that?”

“who will that make you?”

“is that considered success?”

The goals I’ve been walking steadily toward for the last ten years are the goals of someone I no longer wholly identify with. That person is insecure and materialistic, that person measures success through the validation of strangers, through the validation of monetary compensation, of how ‘superior’ he considered himself to others, of how he lived his life ‘better’ than the rest. That person judged other people based on physical appearance, social status, personal choices… that person allowed hate to override compassion.

-Doesn’t everybody?-

I’ve become someone who is…

insecure and materialistic, I measure success through the validation of others, through how much income I am bringing in, how hard I am working. I judge other people based on physical appearance, social status, personal choices and every now and then I allow these judgements to override my compassion for others.

-The difference?-

I am aware.

I long for a change.

I ask-pray-strive everyday for this awareness.

I am aware of my human nature and am now equipped to fight it. I am no longer “OK” with simply accepting my own shallow, judgmental, existence.

I know I am absolutely NO better – no more worthy of love, success, and happiness, than anyone else. I am different, but that doesn’t make me ‘better’. The truth? We are ALL worthy of love, success, and happiness- measured in so many various ways… all taking so many different forms.

My awareness comes with a new understanding of love. It opens my eyes to the beauty inside others, it releases my need to judge strangers or seek their validation, it brings the need for wisdom and understanding… compassion… meaning… into my journey.

For me it is now a necessity. Life wouldn’t be whole without it. I’m not there yet - I’m not fully formed – I am not perfect, nor will I ever be here on Earth. The thought of how much I don’t know is at times overwhelming.. at times frustrating.. more complicated than not. But that is the exciting part-

THE UNCERTAINTY!

New Goals! New Dreams! New plans!

A new way to live, to love, to exist! Life is to short to simply fall into stagnant routines, continuously going through a pattern of emotions.

I’m ready for the challenges. I’m ready for the struggles. I’m ready to not simply accept.

I’m ready to LIVE.

"for we are like a breath of air

our days are like a passing shadow"

Psm 144:4

wisdom from a corporately owned coffee chain...

It is my observation that people who live in the suburbs (and to an extent this general rule applies to mid-westerners as well) tend to gravitate toward larger chain restaurants.. cafes... malls..... and of course "trendy" corporate coffee shops with tendencies toward complete world domination.

I personally prefer trendy "independent" or locally owned coffee shop's myself, clearly making me more enlightened than the rest.

Alas, because I was in the suburbs and because I was meeting a client who in fact lives and works in the suburbs it was no great surprise that I found myself asking for my simple drip coffee in form of a: "grande".

Under a large green umbrella shielding spring sunshine I sat, sipped and waited for the mysterious antagonist who had forced me to lower my coffee drinking standards. Incidentally, she was seated two tables down and had been for the entirety of my judgment on her "unoriginal" choice of meeting place. Regardless, the point is that while I waited, and judged, and looked busy writing things in my day planner, and making "important" notes on my to-do list... I happened to glance down at my 'grande' coffee cup.

A simple white paper cup, with a familiar logo in green print and a warning about the liability one takes on by consuming hot beverages from a corporation... and on the back was a quote, not from a poet or famous author or political leader or even from a musician who had kicked a drug addiction and now wanted to share his new found views on living the best life he can with the world at large, but from a "coffee enthusiast" named Anne Morris.

First thought: "I am enthusiastic about coffee... who do I talk to about getting something I say printed on a coffee cup"
Second thought: "I really don't have much to say, perhaps they would just like a picture I have taken."

Selfish thoughts aside, I read what was written by Anne Morris.... I liked what was written by Anne Morris. I wondered what Anne had gone through in her life to come to this sort of wisdom? What Anne believes in? Who is Anne?

Honestly, it really doesn't matter, nor does it matter the format to which her voice is heard. What matters is that she believed in what she had to say enough to submit it (or whatever the process is) to a international coffee conglomerate.. it was selected, printed, and read by me... me, who shelved my judgment long enough to became strangely thankful for the opportunity to step outside of my routine.. be sitting someplace I wouldn't normally be sitting... be reading something I wouldn't normally be reading. Its funny, where the things we need to hear, the things that make us stop and think, the things that slap us upside our heads and say... you may go to hip, trendy, overpriced, independently owned, coffee shops, in your hip, trendy, overpriced, downtown neighborhood.. but you do not have it all figured out. Its true. I don't. Wisdom, clarity and what we might need to hear at that exact moment in time can come to us from the most unexpected places.

We just have to be open.

Commit to that "openness".

Get out of our heads, cause we never know where new wisdom will reside.


"The irony of commitment is that it is deeply liberating- in work, in play, in love, the act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade as rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life." -
Anne Morris "coffee enthusiast"