I read these words this morning.
I also read words that an amazing friend died.
these words on this morning followed by more words.
i dont have any words. im sitting here with emotions i dont know how to express. not poetically. not intelligently. Just feelings. ill miss my friend. ill miss her grace and ill miss her strength and her laugh. And by writing that down it makes it real and im starting to cry and i dont cry very much.
its fall. the light is beautiful. misty with golden sunlight that only occurs when the sun moves further from the earth and is diffused by a fog that hangs around the few brief hours of morning.
light to me is my emotion.. the words i cannot say... the description wouldn't mean as much.
I do feel.. though at times i seem .. too logical.. too apathetic... but that in the light - my true feelings are expressed.
Ill remember the light the morning i found out an amazing woman went to live with God. Ill remember the way i felt. The same way I remember the inky but pale blue dusk that enveloped my loft when my last relationship ended... or the brilliant summer sun that broke through my moms kitchen windows when i told her i was gay or the flashing neon bar light when my dad called to tell me that my grandmother was, as he worded it: "taken by the Lord"...
The light describes my feelings... the light describes my memories.
whenever the light of an autumn dawn mixes with morning fog, ill remember my friend. Ill remember that this life is short. that this life isnt to be taken for granted- relationships shouldnt be taken for granted. friendships shouldn't be taken for granted. Ill remember that love IS enough and sometimes love is all we need to make it through. Ill think of my friend and ill remember how lucky i was for knowing her... ill remember how lucky i am for loving and for feeling the love ive felt. Ill remember to express that love as often as possible. Cause life is short, tomorrow doesnt exist yet, we only have today, this moment. thats all. Ill miss my friend. the tears are gone. im happy to have known her.
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