I was on location in a small coastal town about a month ago. It was a busy weekend where the lines of work and fun were blurred and I barely had a minute to think about anything other than the present. It was nice. The struggles in my personal life were shelved for a full three days as I surrounded myself with my job, friends and the cool, crisp, windy sun-filled sea air. I wasn't able to 'dwell' that on the cusp of summer, the 'relationship' I was in... ended.
Though short, by most standards, I had grown attached, connected to this person who challenged me and brought a new outlook into my life. With that new outlook came a refreshing example of personal faith and inspired new avenues and commitment in my own faith. I am not one to form attachments this strong and this quickly and the end was difficult -as were the months that followed- There was an emptiness in my world. The loss of this friend, this connection, was felt every day... hour... minute. Exhausting.
So- This beach weekend was a welcome relief. Its ironic that the times when we aren't paying any attention, often are the times when the things we aren't paying attention to... resurface. Waiting for me at home was a simple friendly email briefly detailing a corner of our country I would be inspired by and a book suggestion..
'The Shack'.
Though I happened to own a copy of this particular book it had sat on my shelf for over a year, I had never picked it up. Really hadnt given it much thought. It wasn't until someone who meant the world to me suggest I read it, that i felt compelled to open it. As though reading this book would once again confirm feelings that this person cared about ME. Thought about ME.
What I did not expect was the effect that this simple narrative would have on me... on my life.. and above all, my faith. "The Shack" is a story of a man dealing with loss and pain and more sadness than Ive felt in a lifetime. Page by page I would read and feel guilty for spending the last few months of my life feeling lonely and ultimately sorry for myself.
This man, Mack, is treated to an unforgettable weekend that uproots his world and challenges all that he believes to be 'true'. He is able to establish a personal connection not only with God, but with Jesus and the Holy Spirit... In his connection with this trinity that to me has always seemed just beyond my own reach, suddenly became accessible.
I started to realize that though I "believe" in God and in Jesus, I haven't really had an authentic relationship with either of them. The more I read the more I became engrossed in Mack's story, and yearned for his experience... was envious of his ability to eventually connect with the three persona's of the Christian faith. I wanted that. Each conversation became more related to my own life and eventually this once elusive God, and his son and his spirit became close friends. My prayers evolved. They were laced more with love and acceptance of others, than with worldly gain and judgment. I was different. Funny, what a book can do. I as read and each chapter passed I felt something new in me. A love like Ive never felt. Unselfish love. Its the point isnt it? We get so caught up in how being loved makes us feel, we forget the beauty that is born when we love others. That is the real gift. That is what God intends and what Jesus preached. Not discriminating, not self serving, not passive... but real, authentic, unselfish, unconditional, humble, expressed, LOVE.
I was worried when I finished the book, my new friendships would be gone. Worried they would no longer be tangible. I would no longer be able to pick the book up, open it and connect with them as simply as it is to call a friend to meet for coffee or a walk in the park. Yet again, I had formed a quick and strong attachment and it scared me. I felt alone, unready to move on, unready to let my new friends go. But, the truth is, no one said I had to. They have been inside me since my first day on this earth. It was ME that was closed off to THEM, and not the other way around.
God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit are not worldly. They do not change their minds. They do not have doubts about the uncertainty of our relationship. They are not afraid to get attached to me, to commit to me, they are not afraid I will hurt them. They will not reject me. They will forgive me. Their love is now more apparent in my life than anything or anyone. Though I cannot see them, they validate who I am. They love me no matter what. They see the terrible corners of my thoughts, my weaknesses, my shortcomings, my judgment, my guilt, my selfishness, stubbornness, choices, rules, rebellion, routines, pity... they see all of that and manage to look right through to focus only on Their creation. Though most of the time, lost, broken and irrevocably human, these three elusive entities love me for me.
With that knowledge, I can move forward knowing that if they can love me despite the seemingly negative list that drags us all down and tells us "you're just not good enough", I can love me too.
My prayer to everyone is that we gain the wisdom to love as God loves, with no agenda or expectation... nothing needed or necessary in return.
That is the beauty I found during my time in 'The Shack'. I went in feeling sorry for myself and left with a new understanding of why I am here.
Its really is all worthwhile.
Though short, by most standards, I had grown attached, connected to this person who challenged me and brought a new outlook into my life. With that new outlook came a refreshing example of personal faith and inspired new avenues and commitment in my own faith. I am not one to form attachments this strong and this quickly and the end was difficult -as were the months that followed- There was an emptiness in my world. The loss of this friend, this connection, was felt every day... hour... minute. Exhausting.
So- This beach weekend was a welcome relief. Its ironic that the times when we aren't paying any attention, often are the times when the things we aren't paying attention to... resurface. Waiting for me at home was a simple friendly email briefly detailing a corner of our country I would be inspired by and a book suggestion..
'The Shack'.
Though I happened to own a copy of this particular book it had sat on my shelf for over a year, I had never picked it up. Really hadnt given it much thought. It wasn't until someone who meant the world to me suggest I read it, that i felt compelled to open it. As though reading this book would once again confirm feelings that this person cared about ME. Thought about ME.
What I did not expect was the effect that this simple narrative would have on me... on my life.. and above all, my faith. "The Shack" is a story of a man dealing with loss and pain and more sadness than Ive felt in a lifetime. Page by page I would read and feel guilty for spending the last few months of my life feeling lonely and ultimately sorry for myself.
This man, Mack, is treated to an unforgettable weekend that uproots his world and challenges all that he believes to be 'true'. He is able to establish a personal connection not only with God, but with Jesus and the Holy Spirit... In his connection with this trinity that to me has always seemed just beyond my own reach, suddenly became accessible.
I started to realize that though I "believe" in God and in Jesus, I haven't really had an authentic relationship with either of them. The more I read the more I became engrossed in Mack's story, and yearned for his experience... was envious of his ability to eventually connect with the three persona's of the Christian faith. I wanted that. Each conversation became more related to my own life and eventually this once elusive God, and his son and his spirit became close friends. My prayers evolved. They were laced more with love and acceptance of others, than with worldly gain and judgment. I was different. Funny, what a book can do. I as read and each chapter passed I felt something new in me. A love like Ive never felt. Unselfish love. Its the point isnt it? We get so caught up in how being loved makes us feel, we forget the beauty that is born when we love others. That is the real gift. That is what God intends and what Jesus preached. Not discriminating, not self serving, not passive... but real, authentic, unselfish, unconditional, humble, expressed, LOVE.
I was worried when I finished the book, my new friendships would be gone. Worried they would no longer be tangible. I would no longer be able to pick the book up, open it and connect with them as simply as it is to call a friend to meet for coffee or a walk in the park. Yet again, I had formed a quick and strong attachment and it scared me. I felt alone, unready to move on, unready to let my new friends go. But, the truth is, no one said I had to. They have been inside me since my first day on this earth. It was ME that was closed off to THEM, and not the other way around.
God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit are not worldly. They do not change their minds. They do not have doubts about the uncertainty of our relationship. They are not afraid to get attached to me, to commit to me, they are not afraid I will hurt them. They will not reject me. They will forgive me. Their love is now more apparent in my life than anything or anyone. Though I cannot see them, they validate who I am. They love me no matter what. They see the terrible corners of my thoughts, my weaknesses, my shortcomings, my judgment, my guilt, my selfishness, stubbornness, choices, rules, rebellion, routines, pity... they see all of that and manage to look right through to focus only on Their creation. Though most of the time, lost, broken and irrevocably human, these three elusive entities love me for me.
With that knowledge, I can move forward knowing that if they can love me despite the seemingly negative list that drags us all down and tells us "you're just not good enough", I can love me too.
My prayer to everyone is that we gain the wisdom to love as God loves, with no agenda or expectation... nothing needed or necessary in return.
That is the beauty I found during my time in 'The Shack'. I went in feeling sorry for myself and left with a new understanding of why I am here.
Its really is all worthwhile.
No comments:
Post a Comment