our days are but a passing shadow

The past three months have been a blur of emotions- a challenge- an internal struggle- one lesson after another.

Old goals that have defined who I am… where I thought I was going… who I would become or who I might take on that journey, have been released. New dreams have entered my mind- challenged my routines –turned things upside-down, sideways, but never backwards. What I've realized?

Life is too short to simply EXIST.

I think that is what I have been doing- just existing- Following goals/dreams blindly- never stopping to ask:

“why do you want that?”

“who will that make you?”

“is that considered success?”

The goals I’ve been walking steadily toward for the last ten years are the goals of someone I no longer wholly identify with. That person is insecure and materialistic, that person measures success through the validation of strangers, through the validation of monetary compensation, of how ‘superior’ he considered himself to others, of how he lived his life ‘better’ than the rest. That person judged other people based on physical appearance, social status, personal choices… that person allowed hate to override compassion.

-Doesn’t everybody?-

I’ve become someone who is…

insecure and materialistic, I measure success through the validation of others, through how much income I am bringing in, how hard I am working. I judge other people based on physical appearance, social status, personal choices and every now and then I allow these judgements to override my compassion for others.

-The difference?-

I am aware.

I long for a change.

I ask-pray-strive everyday for this awareness.

I am aware of my human nature and am now equipped to fight it. I am no longer “OK” with simply accepting my own shallow, judgmental, existence.

I know I am absolutely NO better – no more worthy of love, success, and happiness, than anyone else. I am different, but that doesn’t make me ‘better’. The truth? We are ALL worthy of love, success, and happiness- measured in so many various ways… all taking so many different forms.

My awareness comes with a new understanding of love. It opens my eyes to the beauty inside others, it releases my need to judge strangers or seek their validation, it brings the need for wisdom and understanding… compassion… meaning… into my journey.

For me it is now a necessity. Life wouldn’t be whole without it. I’m not there yet - I’m not fully formed – I am not perfect, nor will I ever be here on Earth. The thought of how much I don’t know is at times overwhelming.. at times frustrating.. more complicated than not. But that is the exciting part-

THE UNCERTAINTY!

New Goals! New Dreams! New plans!

A new way to live, to love, to exist! Life is to short to simply fall into stagnant routines, continuously going through a pattern of emotions.

I’m ready for the challenges. I’m ready for the struggles. I’m ready to not simply accept.

I’m ready to LIVE.

"for we are like a breath of air

our days are like a passing shadow"

Psm 144:4